


You Can't Prank a Woobie. (Hogwarts klance Au)

by Principal_Uncertainty



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Accidental Kissing, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Boys Kissing, Klance AU Month 2019, Langst, Love Confessions, Love Potion/Spell, M/M, Magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-12-30 04:11:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18307949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Principal_Uncertainty/pseuds/Principal_Uncertainty
Summary: Oh look a Hogwarts AU featuring an amortentia potion. How original? At least there's a boggart thrown in for good measure. What now does Lance fear most?tried to participate in the klance Au month during February, but this is all I got completed. So many ideas, but I'm super slow at writing. But hey at least I managed to get it done before April. Maybe some year I'll get my love bug work finished or my transreality planet work where they get married simultaneously across seven realities.





	You Can't Prank a Woobie. (Hogwarts klance Au)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AstroLatte](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstroLatte/gifts).



Pidge dropped the last ingredient in the cauldron stirring it with precise figure eight motions. The color shifted from dark magenta to silvery white and she withdrew her spoon watching as it colored, developing a shimmery mother of pearl sheen. A coil of vapor rose in a spiraling stream, and she let out her baited breath and inhaled the pleasant aroma a smile blooming on her face. It was a success.

“Oh wow I think you’ve done it.” Hunk said leaning over the cauldron crowding her own head out of the way.

“I smell meat pie, chocolate chip cookies, and mango sambal—”

Pidge snorted

“Of course those are all foods.” She said.

“—and—” Hunk drew out giving Pidge a flat look. “sun warmed stone.” 

“Do stones even have a scent?”

Hunk shrugged

“It’s what I smell. What do you smell?”

“Ha,” Pidge laughed, “what makes you think I’d ever let that secret out.”

“Oh,” Hunk said teasingly, “are you sweet on someone?”

“What, no, I just—”

“I could tell Professor Honerva you raided the potions supply cupboard.”

“Fine,” she huffed, “I smell ozone and humus among other things, but that’s all you’re getting out of me.”

“Humus? You mean like dirt? I didn’t think you were into nature stuff much less dirt.”

“It’s not dirt.” She snapped. “It’s rich organic soil. My Mom’s really into gardening and herbology, so I grew up with that smell everywhere around our home”

“Oh I get it. Home’s nice.” Hunk replied “So amortentia. I know you brewed it half for the challenge.”

“Not much of one.”

“But do you really think this is a good idea. It could just make things worse.”

“How could it get worse? Those two totally have this coming to them. I mean I thought they had actually become really good friends, but now, it’s like second year all over again. Their bickering has lost us like a whole month’s worth of house points. We’re in last place now.”

“But a love potion?”

“It’ll be great. We’ll get a lovely break from their rivalry while they’re mooning over each other, and then when it wears off they’ll be too embarrassed to look each other in the eyes, much less fight.”

Hunk sighed.

“Besides I owe Lance. He keeps seeing through my disillusionment charms. He got me caught breaking into the restricted section and I had to suffer through three hours of detention repotting mandrakes.”

“That sucks.”

“Right, but I mean, look at this.” She said holding out her hand.

“Look at what?”

“Look really carefully.”

“I don’t see anything.”

“Exactly, It’s a jar of doxy eggs under a perfect disillusionment charm. No visible distortions or anything. Invisible to everyone except apparently Lance. It’s driving me nuts.”

“That is weird.” Hunk agreed.

“So this is payback.” She said

The door to the bathroom suddenly flew open bouncing against the wall, and they both jumped. Pidge swiftly stepped in front of the cauldron as Lance strode casually through the door.

“Oh, so this is where you’ve been hiding out Pidge.”

“Lance, what are you doing here?”

“I was looking for Hunk. Allura said she saw him head this way.” Lance said.

His face twisted briefly in a look puzzlement and Pidge could see his nostrils flare and chest rise as he inhaled. Damn her plan was just about ruined.

“Hunk.” Pidged groaned glaring at her friend who smiled back sheepishly.

Puzzling though, Lance strode over to the nearest stall flinging it open with a loud ‘Aha.’ He then snapped to the adjacent stall and flung it open with identical gusto. Then side eyeing the opposite stall over his shoulder he twirled a one-eighty and just about knocked the door off its hinges. He shrieked loudly as Myrtle flew through him moaning in exaggerated despair.

Pidge stared dead eyed at what appeared to be some comic routine.

“Lance, What are you doing?”

“I’m trying to see where that mullet head is hiding.” he said.

“Why would Keith be hiding in a girls bathroom stall?” She asked.

“I don’t know? Why doesn’t he get a haircut?” Lance countered

“What if he was using the toilet?”

“It’s a girls bathroom, Pidge.” He said like that explained everything.

Pidge was really beginning to empathize with Keith’s frustration with this boy.

Lance then looked towards Hunk and her. who were standing side by side shielding the cauldron from view. His eyes narrowed.

“What are you two hiding?”

“Uh nothing.”

“Yeah, were not hiding anything,” Hunk agreed, “nothing at all.”

Pidge wanted to slap her forehead. Hunk’s tone couldn’t have made it anymore obvious they were hiding something. Lance closed the distance between them, and wedging his hands between her and Hunk he pushed them aside to reveal the iridescent, spiral steaming, plain as day love potion.

He bent over it taking a whiff.

“Ew gross,” He said “What? Did you put Keith’s greasy mullet in this thing or something?”

Pidge froze. What? She met Hunk’s eyes seeing her shock and confusion mirrored in his face.

Lance rapped a knuckle against the rim.

“It doesn’t look like a polyjuice potion” he mused

“Lance, you don’t know what this is?” Pidge asked tentatively. ‘There’s no way’ she thought

“Well it smells like you threw a bunch of garlic in some seawater and then boiled the hell out of Keith’s mullet. Not a good combination Pidge.”

“Well... ” Pidge said, the implications rattling through her brain. Did this mean Lance LIKED Keith... romantically?

“It is a failure.” She lied. 

“Huh, that’s not like you.” Lance said.

“Failure is a part of experimenting.” she said.

“Knock yourself out then., I guess”

He turned toward Hunk. 

“I’m heading down to the lake to practice some hexes if you want to join me. Rizavi is down there and she thinks she’s found a way to bait a mermaid.”

Hunk didn't answer. Lance snapped his fingers in front of his face.

“Hey hunk, you in there?”

“Uh what?” Hunk said shaking himself out of a stupor.

“I asked if you wanted to go down to the lake?”

“Oh right, the lake” he replied. “Ok, but give me a minute and I’ll catch up.”

“You come too, Pidge,”Lance said, “if your done here, but don’t flush whatever that is down the toilet. Those drain into the lake and I wouldn’t want you to poison the giant squid.” Lance said before walking out the door.

When the door closed Pidge turned toward Hunk.

“There’s no way—right?” She said.

“Yep, now way.” Hunk agreed.

“Seriously, did he just diss the smell of amortentia? Maybe it really is a failure.”

Hunk leaned over the cauldron and inhaled deeply.

“No, I’m pretty sure that’s an A grade amortentia potion.”

“But then that means that Keith’s hair is one of the most attractive scents to Lance. I don’t really see anyway to interpret this other than...” She petered off.

“If you’re thinking Lance is crushing on Keith, then yeah, I’m shocked too. But then again thinking about it. It almost makes perfect sense. Lance has been obsessed with Keith since day one.”

“Oh this is perfect,” Pidge said getting excited. “This makes it like ten times better.”

“No, you can’t do it now.” Hunk said.

“What, why not.” Pidge asked 

“Embarrassing him is one thing, but playing with his heart, that’s just cruel.”

“Fine,” she relented, “But I still owe him a prank, and I’m not flushing this potion. I have to know what Keith smells now.”

—————

They had fun down at the lake, but no, they didn’t manage to catch sight a of mermaid. Lance claimed he did. Pidge had got him with a slipperies jinx, and he had slipped on the almost frictionless ooze pouring out of all his sweat glands twenty feet right off the edge of the dock. They had all laughed till he didn’t emerge, and then panic set in. Pidge tried several summoning spells but they all failed, while both Hunk and Rizavi Jumped in and started diving.

In the end about a dozen students had gathered including a grumpy Professor Burr. Kinkade had joined in the diving while Rizavi shivered on the shore. Then the dock collapsed beneath them dropping everyone in the water.

Keith had then shown up rolled his eyes at all the “shivering idiots,” and promptly located Lance half a mile down the shore with Groundskeeper Coran who had been attempting to learn something called fly fishing from a muggle manual, but had only managed to tie himself up in a shrub.

According to Lance after falling in the water he had seen a mermaid swimming off so with a quick bubble head charm he had chased after it. After losing track of her he had swum ashore where he ran into Coran and had been hanging out with him ever since. And he had “absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the dock collapsing.”

Pidge knew he was lying despite his objections that he wasn’t anywhere close. She had been with him when he had cheered himself up after the school ball last year by casting semi-permanent sticking charms on couples who were snogging indiscreetly about the school grounds, and he had done so clear from the top of the astronomy tower. So she knew he could pull it off.

Of course when he had Keith's ear the story changed to him charming half a dozen mermaids, and then narrowly escaping when they insisted he stay with them forever. Keith had called him an idiot for being so reckless, hypocrite much? and when Lance had suggested Keith was concerned about his well being, Keith retorted he couldn’t he possibly be worried about Lance drowning because he was clearly already brain dead.

In the end Coran saved them both from diving back in the lake for some asinine competition by snagging them both with his fishing line, magically assisted this time, and reeling them in. And, being such a nice guy, he had then mearly roped them into assisting him carry his things back to the castle while regaling them with tales of his own youthful indiscretions and did not dock any house points from either of them. 

Pidge on the other hand was done with them, Lance in particular. She knew it wasn’t classy or original but it would be oh so effective, and she was resolved to act. So with her chest containing her surprise floating behind her she snuck off to the owlery ahead of Lance, who regularly wrote his family, and hid in one of the alcoves (after a solid scouring away of all the owl nasties.)

Bogarts may be easy to handle once you realized what they were but the scares would be one-hundred percent real. 

Just as she heard Lance's steps bounding up the stairs she waved her wand to open the chest sitting near the door. To her endless shock, Keith rose out of the chest, and she nearly forgot to pull herself back into the shadows as Lance rounded the corner.

He saw Keith and looked mildly surprised but not unhappy to see him.

“Oh hey Keith.” he said. “Didn’t expect to see you up here.”

“Uhhg, don’t bother me Lance.” Keith groused, “I don’t have time for you. Could you seriously be anymore annoying?”

Lance’s face drooped then took on a defensive cast. “What’s got your knickers in a twist?”

“Nothing, I’m just annoyed I have to put up with you more today.” Keith said slouching against the wall his elbow disturbing a sleeping owl which hooted disgruntledly before flying off. Lance had to duck as it flew low over his head. “Here I am in the remotest corner of the castle and of course you have to show up.”

“Well sorry but I always come here on Sundays to send an owl home. I would’ve thought you knew that.” Lance bit out.

Keith rolled his eyes. “Why would I care in the slightest what your stupid schedule is, Lance. Whatever it is you clearly aren’t spending much time doing anything productive like—I don’t know—maybe learning to something that actually resembles magic.”

Lance looked taken back by the statement. His eyes dropped to the floor and his envelope crumpled in his tightened fist. 

“Sorry Keith, but if this is about what happened the other day?” Lance said shuffling his feet.” I’m sorry I screwed up my spellwork, and I know that it was really awkward, but I thought we were friends, and… well I know we’ve kinda been off since then but I still thought that we were,” he swallowed,” friends of a sort, or at least friendly rivals?”

Lance had moved closer to Keith his blue eyes looking at him pleadingly.

“Friends? Hah.” Lance flinched. Keith stood up straight again and stepped towards Lance distaste souring his features “Nice people put up with you Lance,” Keith said condescendingly, “but me, I’m tired of being nice. So I’m telling you now, this make believe rivalry you have going on with me is pathetic. I know it strokes your ego to play like you can compete with the best, but deep down even you realize you’re just bringing up the rear.”

Pidge could see the hurt in Lance’s eyes, but his jaw was rigid as he put on strong face. She was beginning to understand she hadn’t made a mistake. This Keith really was a boggart —somehow it appeared what Lance feared most was that Keith might actually hate him.

“Not everyone’s a prickly cactus like you Keith.” Lance said edging his voice with anger, “Lots of people like me. You’re the loner who can’t make friends. Do you want to know what I think? I think you’re just jealous.”

“Jealous? of what, you? You think you’re a ladies man. What’s that you call yourself? Loverboy Lance.” Keith snorted. 

This was getting way out of hand. This wasn’t what Pidge wanted. She had to do something, but she didn't know what. If she revealed herself Lance would be mortified.

Keith stalked around the other boy drawing closer. Lance retreated till his back bumped against the wall. 

“But what’s the truth? You’ve been making moves on Allura for six years, but she’s shut you down every time. Honestly she’s a saint putting up with you. And do you want to know a secret? You will never know what Allura’s lips on yours feel like, but I do. She’s not that hard to get you’re just a pathetic losers?”

“What? So you and Allura?” Lance said weakly.

“Yeah me and Allura? So quick third wheeling around everybody and sod off.”

Lance’s eyes where wet now. Pidge leaned forward risking exposure and eyed the owls perched around the room many of whom appeared to be glaring at the boys with irritation—but they were owls so it was hard to tell. She waved her wand and began muttering.

Keith strode in imposing himself against Lance boxing him in as he reached around and slapped his palm against the wall. He leaned his head over Lance’s shoulder to speak into his ear.

“Also want to hear another secret?” He asked. “This one’s yours.” The menace in Keith’s voice made Pidge want to shudder. “Between me and Allura I know who you really want.”

Lance went rigid against the wall tears now on his cheeks. Keith stepped back so Lance could see the loathing in his face.

“And you know what? it disgusts me.”

A great grey owl dropped an aerial bomb on Keith’s head which oozed like milky egg white down his forehead, but the boggart didn’t flinch. As for Lance he seemed to emotionally eviscerated to notice, so Pidge twitched her wand and another owl swooped in grasping Keith’s cloak with needle sharp talons shredding it as pulled with powerful wings strokes causing Keith to stumble. An eagle own went for the face it’s talons digging mercilessly into false flesh. The boggart’s figure distorted under the onslaught inky blackness swirling like smoke from his ravaged face.

The boggart swatted at the owls with flailing arms. Then dark vapors shifted about it and he was suddenly whole again, face and cloak undamaged, owl poop nowhere to be seen.

Lance had his wand out as his eyes were blinked away tears.

“You’re not really Keith,” He accussed “Who are you? What are you?” 

They eagle owl swooped in again digging its talons into the arm the boggart threw up in defense. The boggart whipped about but the bird held on murderously till the boggart shifted it’s form again to free itself.

“Are you a boggart?” Lance asked

“Riddikulus.” He said with the weakest enunciation Pidge had to have ever heard that spell uttered. 

Nothing happened.

“Riddikulus.” Lance repeated.

The Boggart staggered slightly and suddenly the false Keith’s mullet was tied in a short ponytail. Unfortunately the closest thing Lance could manage towards a laugh was an odd choking sound.

He raised his wand in a jittering arm then lowered it.

“Screw this.” He said. Then turned and ran from the room.

Pidge emerged from her hiding place. The boggart turned on her and was nearly detroyed by her furious spellwork, but she reigned in her frustration and locked it back in her chest. She saw Lance had left his letter abandoned on the dirty floor. She picked it up and straightened out the creases sighing as she looked towards the owlery door through which Lance had fled.

“Quiznack, I’ve really messed up.”

—————

The next morning in Pidge slid into the seat next to Keith where he sat staring out the window while fiddling with his wand making arrhythmic taps against his desk as he see-sawed it over his finger. She rummaged through her bag, pulling out her quill and some parchment. She felt for the glass vial of amortentia and rolled in her hand it thoughtfully.

Now was as good a time as any. She just needed to act casual. She pulled it out of her bag. The vial was made of black glass so it’s contents couldn’t be identified by sight and was stopped with a cork.

“Hey Keith,” she said trying to sound as if the idea to ask him had just occurred to her “Could you smell this for me? I’m having trouble identifying it.”

He turned from the window and cocked his head at the odd request. 

“All right.” he said reaching for the outstretched vial.

Pidge reached over with her other hand to pop the cork off as Keith took it. He bent his head forward and brought it up to his nose. He perked up with a slight frown then bent forward and took several more sniffs.

“Did you steal Lance’s cologne or something?” He asked accusatorily 

Pidge struggled not to smile. Her face muscles had never felt more willful, but she steeled herself, and after what was likely a moment too long to come across entirely innocent she managed to respond.

“Oh, is that what this is?” She said successfully lacing her voice with all the innocence left in her. She snatched the vial back from Keith and shoved it into her bag and plopped back in her seat. —A little too hasty, she reprimanded herself. She realized Keith was watching her but she refused to look at him. At least she tried to but after about a minute his gaze felt about as ignorable as an itch, and she just had to scratch. 

She turned seeing his puzzled frown and smiled. His mouth half opened and she sensed there was a question there almost asked.

“Do you need something?” She asked.

His mouth opened incrementally further, but then he just sighed.

“No,” he said and turned his head back to the window. 

 

After class Pidge caught him in the hall, snatched him by the arm, and pulled him into an empty classroom.

“Hey, what the—”

“What’s going on with you and Lance.” she demanded.

“Nothing”

“Something is going on. You guys were practically inseparable but recently you’ve been arguing worse than ever.”

“I don’t know,” Keith insisted, “Lance is just really competitive.”

“Pidge reached into her bag and pulled out the vial.”

“Keith do you know what this is?”

“Uh,” he said.

“It’s an amortentia potion.”

“Huh.”

“The world’s most powerful love potion,” she explained. “I’m sure you know it’s properties.”

He suddenly looking scared. “Yeah, So?”

“So,” she repeated, “Who thought this was a bottle of Lance’s cologne?”

Keith’s pale face went ghostly.

“It’s not what you think.”

She smiled, and she knew she probably looked devious. You’re here to help him she reminded herself not tease him. 

“Really?” She said.

“You can’t tell Lance.” Keith pleaded.

“I don’t see why not. I’m sure he would love to hear this.”

“No,” Keith practically shouted but then his voice turned pained, “I don’t want him to hate me anymore than he does.”

“He doesn’t hate you.” Pidge scoffed.

“Please.” He pleaded.

“Then tell me what’s caused this sudden resurgence of aggression between you two.”

“It’s my fault,” He said swallowing and looking down. “I kissed him.”

Pidge nearly dropped the bottle. “WHAT?”

“I didn’t mean to. He asked me to help him practice the courage charms we were learning in class. When he hit me with it… well it just happened.”

“Courage charms?” She said palming her face. “You know those are really more like stupidity charms. You two are already the most reckless idiots in the school. You’re lucky you guys didn’t get yourself killed trying to conquer the forbidden forest or something. Come on Keith, you had to know that practicing a spell that strips away fears and inhibitions, aka good judgment, on each other was a bad idea.”

“I do now.” he said sheepishly.

She sighed. “Keith, you need to talk to him.”

“And say what?” he said despondently, “the kiss was clearly unwelcome.”

“I wouldn’t say it was unwelcome I actually think he blames himself.”

Keith looked doubtful. “Why would you think that?”

“It’s just something I overheard, but that’s private, so nevermind.”

Keith raised an eyebrow.

“Honestly Keith, I think he is just confused. He’s probably having a bit of an identity crisis. Listen, he walked in on me when I was making this potion and do you know what he said?”

Keith shrugged.

“He said, and I quote, ew gross. did you put Keith’s greasy mullet in this or something?”

“Yes, Pidge I already know he hates my hair.”

“He doesn’t hate your hair.” She almost snapped, seriously these boys, “He’s just in denial, but he smelt it in an amortentia potion, and that can only mean one thing.”

“I don’t know Pidge.”

“Keith you have to talk to him.” She begged. “I made a terrible mistake, and I’m afraid I hurt him really badly. But there is nothing I can do to fix it. Only you can.”

Keith dropped his head.

“Please,” she said.

“Ok,” he said quietly.

Pidge wasn’t convinced. “Promise me.”

Keith shifted uncomfortably. He breathed deep. “Alright.”

“Soon.” She pressed.

“Soon.” He repeated.

He didn’t leave Pidge with too much confidence, but what could she do?

“Thanks.” She said.

—————

Pidge was relieved to see Lance enter the Great Hall for dinner, having not seen him all day. He looked toward where she was sitting with Hunk, Keith, and Allura, and she waved him over. His eyes though paused on Keith, and his shoulders sagged. He walked to an empty seat and sat down alone.

Hunk was frowning. “Lance really looks upset,” he said. He started to get up but Pidge grabbed him by the arm. 

“Hold on a minute, Hunk. Keith,” she said getting the attention of the boy sitting across from her.

He looked up at her, and she jerked her head towards where Lance was sitting. Keith’s head turned as he scanned the table. When he saw Lance his eyes snapped back to Pidge suddenly looking nervous.

She jerked her head again. “Go talk to him’” she insisted.

Keith’s eyes dropped refusing eye contact with her. 

“Keith,” she hissed.

Her looked back at her and she jerked her head towards Lance again.

“Now?” He asked with a whisper that was little more than more than mouth movement looking for all the world like she was asking him to jump in a tub of flesh eating slugs.

“Now.”

He shifted in his seat biting his lip and looking back and forth between Lance and her.

“You promised.” she said.

He sighed and stood up with his plate in hand. He walked towards Lance before pausing ten feet from him. For a minute he just stood there plate clenched in boths hands not moving, while Lance sat silently with his head down unaware of Keith’s approach. 

“What’s going on?” Hunk asked. 

Pidge waved her hand to shush him while giving Keith her most threatening glare when he glanced back. Hunk read the situation well enough and gave Keith two thumbs up an encouraging smile. Keith took another step forward and hesitated again before sitting down at the table leaving a full seat between him and Lance. Lance glanced over and then with a startled jerk of his neck snapped his eyes back to his plate.

Pidge groaned. For the next three minutes neither of the made a move except to sneak momentary glances when the other wasn’t looking. 

“What’s going on with those two?” Shay asked the group taking the seat next to Hunk.

“Yes Pidge, I’d like to know that as well.” Allura said

“Those two are both pining gay idiots who think the other one hates them.” She said.

“What, Lance? Are you sure?” Asked Allura.

“Well bi in his case.” Pidge said and explained the situation to the group, leaving out the boggart of course, she would take incident that to her grave.

“Well if this started with a Keith under the influence of a courage charm maybe Lance just needs shot of courage himself,” Shay said. “I could get him from here and they wouldn't notice a thing.”

“I don't trust courage charms.” Pidge said.

“Relax,” Shay said “I have a particular talent at these sort of things. I promise he won't try any suicidal stunts.”

She raised her wand. “Audacissime,” she said softly.

Pidge held her breath. Lance suddenly straightened in his seat. He stood up from the table and began furiously pacing back and forth drawing looks from other diners around the hall. Pidge thought she could see him muttering to himself. He turned toward Keith then flipped around, paced back, then turned one more time toward Keith before striding out the large double doors of the great hall which closed behind him with a ponderous thwump.

Pidge sent an I knew this would happen look at Shay before muttering “somebody go stop him before he tries to break the world high altitude broom flight record.”

No one had a chance to move before the hall doors erupted open again as Lance marched back in bearing down on Keith. Keith turned in surprise as Lance stomped up to him. Lance seized him by the collar with both hands.

“WHAT DID IT MEAN?” He demanded loudly shaking Keith. The rumble of conversation around the hall died as eyes turned toward the shout. Professor Montgomery rose from the teacher’s table disciplinary intentions evident in her frown.

“Wha—”

“WHAT DID IT MEAN?” Lance shouted again.

Keith rose with the pull of his accoster’s arms. He grasped Lance’s wrist but didn't try to free himself.

“What are you talking about?” he asked, not a shout but loud enough for the whole hall to hear.

“THE KISS, WHAT DID IT MEAN?”

Keith’s eyes darted around the hall his face crimson with embarrassment. “Lance, everybody is watching.”

“Get Keith too.” Pidge hissed to Shay.

“Forget about them. Did you want to kiss me or was it just my spell?”

“Wha, Lance,” Keith stuttered at loss for words. “Why here?” he finished weakly.

“Because I need to know.” Lance said desperately “What are we rivals, friends? You kissed me, and I can’t get it out of my head. Did it mean something to you or am I just a royal screw up?”

The spell it... “ Keith began but stopped and swallowed.

Melancholy dampened the intensity in Lance’s face.

“Oh, I see. I get it. You don’t—” Lance released Keith. “Sorry.”

He turned away his shoulders sagging.

Keith grabbed Lance by the arm. “Wait,” Keith said. “Your spell made me kiss you, but only because I wanted too.”

Pidge smiled at Shay who threw her a thumbs up mouthing “Got him.”

“What?” Lance said staring dumbly.

“I like you Lance. I have for a long time. I’ve just always been too afraid to tell you, because I know you don't see me that way. But Lance you deserve whoever makes you happiest, and if that's Allura or whoever I can be happy for you. I doubt I’ll ever stop loving you, but I'll be happy to be your friend or rival or--”

“Shut up Keith,”Lance said, “it's my turn.”

He reached out with his hand brushing his fingers through Keith's hair as he cupped him by the back of the head and pulled Keith in for a kiss.

For a moment the whole hall sat stunned and professor Montgomery paused in her march down the aisle gaping like a goldfish. Then cheers erupted and Rizavi catcalled loud enough to make Pidge’s ears ring. There were some playful expressions of disgust, while others like Sendak looked genuinely grossed. But his complaints were largely drowned out. Many of the first years though looked like muggles who had just learned magic was real.

Lance and Keith however were lost in a world of their own kissing with a passion that was beginning to make Pidge uncomfortable. Someone shouted “Get a room,” and Hunk placed his hands over Pidge eyes.

“This isn't appropriate for children.” He said.

Pidge elbowed him in his side, and he let go with an oof.

“Oh wow,” She said, “they are really are going at it —Are they? Yep, there goes the tongue. I think this has gone far enough.”

Pidge raised her wand and pointed at Lance and shouted “stupefy.”

She was surprised when they both dropped like lead noodles, as a second voice had sounded almost simultaneously with her’s. She looked to see Professor Burr with his wand pointed standing just back from her right looking rather satisfied.

Professor Montgomery rounded on her. “Ms. Holt, stunning other students is not—” she noticed Professor Burr.

“Sorry Alice, but I’ll handle this,” He said.

“Burr, It’s even worse for a professor. The students’ care and well being, alongside their education, are our paramount responsibilities.”

“Yeah, yeah, can’t say I approved of the way they were educating our first years. Ms. Holt, bring those two along and follow me. We’ll take them to the privacy their dormitory.”

—————

Lance began to wake up feeling warm and peaceful. He wondered if it was morning yet but oddly he couldn’t remember going to bed the night before. He tried to rise but found he was still stuck in sleep paralysis. It took a minute but he fought it off and opened his eyes. The dormitory was lit by candlelight and the sky was dark outside.

Uggh, why would he wake up in the middle of the night. He looked around and frowned noticing all the other beds where empty. Well all except one. Keith was lying on his fully dressed, like himself he noticed, and looking peaceful and— all right yes, he looked beautiful Lance admitted to himself. Lance sighed. He wanted to kiss him more than he had ever wanted to kiss anybody else.

It came to him then the memory of Keith’s lips on his, Keith’s tongue in his mouth, Keith’s warm and firm body pressed against him, Keith’s hands wandering all over his back. Lance stepped back with a gasp and felt himself blush. Ok, that was a wild dream. Right? It was a dream?

What would Keith think if he knew?

The memory of the Boggart flashed through his mind, the cold expression of disgust on Keith’s face, and suddenly Lance couldn’t stay here anymore.

He fled to the door and pulled on it, but it was locked. What the heck, he thought, their dormitory door didn’t even have a lock. He pulled his wand out.

“Alohomora,” he said. He tried the door again, but it still wouldn’t open.

“Quiznack.”

“Lance?” came Keith’s voice

Quiznack.

Lance swallowed and turned. His face felt flushed and his heart was pounding in his chest.

“What happened? How did we end up here?” Keith asked looking around.

“I don’t know,” Lance said scratching the back of his head, “I, uh, can’t remember.”

“Huh, yeah, the last thing I remember is you kissing me.” Keith said looking at him with a lopsided smile.

Lance’s mind screeched to a halt.

“What?” he squeaked.

“Yeah,” Keith said “I guess that makes us even now.”

Lance’s mind went back to the dream, and the details leading up to the kiss began to resolve. He remembered being in the great hall sitting alone, Keith surprisingly sitting down just a seat away, himself apparently losing his mind and shouting at Keith for everyone to here, and, yeah, he remembers the kiss, how hot it felt, how good it felt, how Keith had kissed him back. Merlin’s beard, It was all real.

Lance legs felt weak, and he slumped to his knees on the floor. Keith was by his side so fast he might have apparated.

“Hey, are you alright?” Keith asked supporting Lance’s chest with his palm and rubbing his back soothingly.

Lance remembered Keith’s confession and warmth blossomed in his chest.

“You like me?” he asked weakly.

“Yeah.” Keith said softly. “I do.”

“Me too.” Lance said.

Keith smiled and gave a chuckle.

“I mean I like you too.” Lance corrected blushing.

“I know.”

Keith leaned in, and Lance realized he was moving in for another kiss. He held his hand up and stopped him.

“No, Keith, I don’t think you do.”

Keith looked confused and bit his lip, but Lance had to get this off his chest.

“You’ve seen me flirting with girls for years, but now I realize that half of this rivalry thing was me just subconsciously flirting with you. I’ve been chasing after you for years, but only recently did I realize just what that meant. I thought when you kissed me, I had somehow projected my own feelings instead of courage in my spell. So I was scared, because, well, I’m still trying to accept the fact that I’m not straight, but I was also afraid I ruined our friendship, 

Since then I guess I have been sort of overcompensating in trying to keep our relationship normal. But yesterday I encountered a boggart, and it turned into you, and you rejected me completely. Even when I realized it wasn’t really you I was devastated. That was my greatest fear, that you actually hated me. And I think the reason that scared me so much was because of how much I like you. My feelings for you are greater than they have ever been for any girl, even Allura. So I guess what I’m trying to say is I love you Keith. I know it seems kind of early to say it but—”

“Shush,” Keith said putting a finger to Lances mouth. “I love you too, Idiot,” he said eyes wet with emotion. “Now shut up and kiss me.”

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't have anyone to read or edit this and I really don't know what I'm doing with punctuation sometimes.
> 
>  
> 
> These are the other AUs I had ideas for but will probably never write.
> 
> Day 1 Coffee Shop:  
> Lance runs a little coffee shop in the village sending most of his profits home to his aging mother. One day she asks him to sell her old milk cow Kaltenecker, but he ends up trading it in for some magic coffee beans instead. Not his best idea, but the orange haired mustachioed peddlar promised they would help him find his true love.
> 
> Day 3 Mermaid:  
> Lance takes his boyfriend home to visit his family in Cuba. When he takes Keith to the beach and Keith enters the ocean for the first time in his life he discovers to his great surprise he is a mermaid (“I’m not a mermaid Lance. I’m a merMAN.”) Also being kissed by a mermaid apparently turns you into one too.
> 
> Day 4 for Hogwarts:  
> See above.
> 
> Day 10 Youtubers.  
> Youtube prankster Lance attempts to prank Keith but fails miserably and gets pranked in return. Hacker Pidge uploads the video he swore would never see the light of day on his channel anyway, and it becomes his most popular video.
> 
> Day 14 Soulmates:  
> Novice witch Lance is dumped by his girlfriend Jenny Shaybon when she discovers he has a soulmate. Heartbroken, Lance attempts to perform a soulmate summoning ritual but Keith of course has to screw it all up. Or Keith suddenly finds himself transported halfway across the room to the center of Lance’s magic circle, but Lance thinks Keith has sabotaged his spell on purpose.
> 
> Day 16 Thunderpike  
> Barbarian and half whatever the Monsters-and-Mana version of an orc is, Thunderstorm Darkness finds himself roped into Pike’s quest to save a princess. It’s not all bad, even though the thief (sorry ninja) talks to much, he’s funny, skilled, kind if a bit competitive, and it’s rare to find someone who doesn’t care about his heritage. Plus Thunderstorm will admit, to no one who’s listening, he may have a thing for the ears and tail. So even if the guy insists on calling him Cloudburst Thunderstorm finds himself falling slowly but inexorably in love. 
> 
> They save the princess, and she of course has him immediately arrested. Pike refusing the princess’s favor and sizable reward in turn might be a nice gesture, but it won’t save him from the gallows. Pike however does save him from the gallows, and after they both rob the princess and escape her kingdom Keith knows this is the man he wants to spend the rest of his outlaw life with.
> 
> As they kiss though the virtual reality game ends, and Keith and Lance suddenly remember who they really are. Things may be awkward at first, but they work it out, and Keith decides he may really like these rpgs after all.
> 
> Day 24 Camp Half-Blood  
> Demititan Keith doesn’t know he feels about being accepted back into Camp Half-Blood having been exiled years earlier when his divine parentage was discovered. But it means he gets to be with Lance so he won’t complain. However in the world of gods and titans there are always new surprises. After a night with Lance Keith realizes they maybe should have used protection afterall when it causes him to enter one of his forethought trances and craft the two of them a living flesh-and-blood baby son from clay. He knows he’s the son of Prometheus, but he did not expect to become a teen parent like this at all. (They are both 18)


End file.
